This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
