Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
