HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
