you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
