your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
