I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
