I don't usually arrange sex via text message
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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