you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
