Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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