i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
