I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
