I cannot find my penis.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
