Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Rumble strips road head = magical
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
