im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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