Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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