That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
