that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
