Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
