that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
