You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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