at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
