Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
