dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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