Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
