Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just google imaged poop.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
