I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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