the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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