Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
