i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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