Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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