i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
