if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
