Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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