Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
