watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
