my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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