I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize