in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Let's get the cat blown out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
