Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
