Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
