You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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