there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
