im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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