It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Having a random hookup so left but love u
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
