I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
