I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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