Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize