A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize