Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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