Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
