Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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