operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize