I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
