i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize