you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
