were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
