Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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