i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
