she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
