My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
