I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
