Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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