i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
