Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
