My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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