The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
