I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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