his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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