I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
